Charles 2.0

Day three Uganda comes to an end

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 20:10:38 GMT

This day felt like we were really accomplishing what we came here for!! Very thorough teaching sessions and identified several patients for procedures starting tomorrow. So less time for didactic learning and more for hands on which is what everyone wants anyway. We can always leave the didactic materials behind for them.
The food has been amazing here. Great Indian, yummy Turkish, strong coffee and tasty beer that doesn't leave you feeling all bloated. And calm tummy so far :-). Off course we haven't taken any great chances and I'm using bottles water for everything including brushing my teeth. So it's all good. There are millions of pictures being taken too so this should be a wonderful memory for a long time.

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Day three Ugandan Heart Project

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 05:48:55 GMT

We're gearing up for a busier day today. Teaching sessions and identifying an OR to do a potential case on Wednesday. Today it will be Cath lab basics with the Ugandan staff. Then a mock case. Yesterday was as expected, heart wrenching especially our tour of the Pediatric unit. Yes, dying children everywhere piled 2 to a crib in a sweaty open ward concept straight out of a 1700's story book. Its like stepping back in time. But still a slight glimmer of hope for some and warm open arms from staff happy to share with us. First two surgeries went ok yesterday after some technical issues were worked out. It'll be interesting to see how tired the night staff are when we see them this morning.

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Uganda mission: Cath Lab

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 07:01:31 GMT

Well getting here was smooth if you don't count my cancelled flight from DC. No worries, got on an earlier flight and all was well. Better in fact since I now had time for a pleasant stopover at Heathrow. It was a cramped flight but I gotta say British Airways does feed you well. I had brekkie at Gordon Ramsey's which was fine but nothing ro write rave reviews about.. The currency exchange is the killer at 1.80$ for a English pound. So a simple brekkie cost 27USD. Gotta remember that while I'm in London for a few days.
Our hotel is spectacular. My roomie is laid back and I'm excited to meet the Mulago Hospital staff for our first multinational staff meeting. Then things will get very busy!!

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Why does my world seem so complicated some times

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 21:29:32 GMT

I guess because it would be much too easy any other way.

So I was all excited about my work endevours for February until this last week. To back up a little... I was asked to go to Uganda in February on a medical mission with a team from my hospital. I was so excited to be asked and off course accepted immediately. I've been looking for something to mix things up lately. It's hard to imagine but I've been in this Cath Lab job for almost nine years now. That's by far the longest I've ever stayed in one job. ( refer to previous posts about nomadic genetics). Things get a little stale after that length of time. I've succeeded in keeping it spiced up with committee work and then there's the colleague interpersonal relationships that are always a challenge. But I needed this.

So anyway, doing a dozen things at work is stressful in some ways but I usually cope. This last week I had another boomerang thrown my way. In addition to dealing with a particularly busy patient load, the dynamics of negotiating with individuals who value nurses only slightly better than lint, and Council work that has gotten out of hand, our legal dept has decided they need to be involved in my upcoming TN renewal. They've never been involved before. And I really don't mind them being more involved. They are afterall only doing what they are supposed to do which is ensure the hospital is compliant with immigration standards for foreign workers. Now, I've been renewing my TN for 9 years. Suffice to say I have a pretty good idea how to do this now. Anyways, I got a letter from the legal dept telling me I need to submit a bunch of things to them...okkkkk. Thing is, they're asking me for things they don't need. So, email banter starts to occur between me and this ill informed legal assistant. Next thing you know, my office phone is ringing. It's the legal assistant who feels he needs to tell me more directly why they need these things. Again, I inform him that I'm very competently aware of what is needed but if there is some new developments in how others have been experiencing the TN renewal experience I'd be very interested in hearing. He continues to tell me that these things are being handled by the hospitals' contracted legal firm. Then suddenly tells me there will be an $800.00 fee that I'll be responsible for by using their counsel. To which my response is.... Ummm, what? "I'm not paying for legal counsel I neither asked for nor need." The advantage for professionals of this type of "Visa" is that there is no need for consular or legal counsel services. The only thing required is a confirmation of a letter of employment and one must keep your credentials current. So, this is all in the hands of my manager now. She's frustrated too since she's just hearing about this. And I've made it clear that I'm not paying this unnecessary fee. So we have a stand off coming if my department chooses not to pay this. If not I will have to decide if it's worth my while to absorb this fee. The very stubborn side of me says fuck no. I won't pay fees just to feed a lawyers pocket. The other side says... I have things I still want to accomplish here in the US. And this Uganda trip is certainly one of those things. Plus if this legal dept infringement on a process, that I've managed for years quite successfully, still leads to a successful TN then I have up to three more years of guaranteed employment... That's important in this economic climate. And with my student loans all paid, my car now paid for, and just a few thousand in credit cards, if I continue to be frugal I can be totally debt free and living by cash means only within 2 years. That's important to me. Quite honestly, If I'm forced to leave the US right now, that act will set me back financially... Once again.

So, a lot to stress me right now. I'm hoping it all works out cuz the flip side will be painful but then again, positive things sometimes come from painful circumstances.

If this is not resolved, I'll be having an apt belongings sale in the coming weeks. If it is resolved I'll get to have a once in a lifetime experience where I get to make a real difference and even get my picture in the papers... Internationally! That would be a
Nice feather for a boy from Labrador.

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One more test.

Sat, 26 Nov 2011 18:14:32 GMT

cuz I still see problems

Work around

Sat, 26 Nov 2011 17:55:06 GMT

I guess I can't post directly from my LJ home page er whatever...This "My LJ" page seems to work. So Lets see if this uploads.

I try

Sat, 26 Nov 2011 17:48:17 GMT

So, I decided to post more to LJ and now I can't seem to do that from my computer via the web and all of these client programs seem buggy. Anyone else having such a problem? I can update on my phone but this is somewhat tedious!

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Feeling bloggy

Thu, 20 Oct 2011 20:07:06 GMT

I guess it's time get off my non-bloggy pot and post something. I have fallen victim to the 10 word or less read that is a Facebook update. Totally dissatisfying. So I am going to make an earnest effort to do more entries here even if no one is reading. Doing so gives me an opportunity to work out things in my head and usually makes me feel better- if better is how I need to feel.

So, what's new? Well, I don't have any great concerns outside of the ones everyone has. Work is work. It's challenging every day and mostly fulfilling. The job hunt hasnt officially started yet. I have a grand master plan which may or may not come to fruition. Bottom line is resume distribution needs to happen soon so I can determine if there are any interesting opportunities out there. That's supposed to happen through this Fall. Next is my apartment. As in, I need to take a big breath and go through with giving notice to leave it. That scares me some. But the goal is to be ready to leave DC in March. If I find a job I want. Otherwise I'll stay put for a while longer. It's exciting and scary at the same time. Exciting because this plan is supposed to keep my career interesting. Frightening because there is a "starting over" feel to all of this. And quite honestly, even though it seems like I'm in the drivers seat, it still scares the heck out of me. And I think I know why... This is the part about blogging that's useful... I think all this change scares me because it reminds me of the nomadic nature of my father. Yup, this unsettled feeling feels like what I saw in my dads possible discontent with his life. And to make things worse or to confirm my fears, my sister recently compared my travels to the wanderings of my father. Now, few similarities exist between my dad and me. For starters, he was a construction laborer all his life. I'm a medical professional. But I think my sister was referring to my seeming discontent which I think she too saw in my father. So am I genetically nomadic? I really don't think so. I've always thought I was exploring life because I have always had a desire to do so... Not because I'm unhappy in my current situation. But I sometimes wonder. So, yeah, one day I'm crazy excited about the prospect of being in control of my carreer, looking for new opportunities for growth and on other days I thinking I must be insane to attempt this... Specially when the economy is in the toilet. So I'll continue to struggle with this.

I'll have to admit, I was partly inspired to write today because I ran into another LJ person this last weekend! Crazy, right! I took a week off last week and road tripped to Toronto via Ypsilanti and looped back to NYC before heading back to DC... That can be another entry. Anyways, I went to NY to see one of my favorite bands... Blue October on the tail end of this 1600 mile trip. . During the concert I did spy a cute couple a few bodies away. After all was done these guys came over and I got to meet Kevin and his boyfriend! Kevin is or was kevbot on here. He recognized me, which always surprises me, and told me he knew me from LJ. We hadn't met before to my knowledge. Crazy! But crazy good. So take that FB!! Anyways that got me thinking about how much I miss prose. So here I am.

Dating? No. But I have my share of delicious encounters. And for the most part I'm satisfied with that. I recently found out that someone I've been very good friends with for many years was rather devastated when I moved to the US to be with Bill. He hadn't told me that before... And I wouldn't imagine he would, I would have done the same. So, that knowledge does make me, I don't know...wonder? I have no regrets but something has stirred my wooden heart knowing this. My history has taught me that going backwards in time to 'what it's is not a good idea. And this feels like a what if. So, I love him dearly, as a friend. And at this point in time I value that more than anything. So, outside of being intrigued by a few handsome men, nothing is stirring inside of me that could be defined as 'I could fall for him' feelings. Though, truth be known, fun, adventurous, no strings encounters are beginning to wear a little thin on me.

Anyways... What's the future hold?? A little more, no a lot more weight loss... Fun with job hunting reports... And who knows what else.

I hate being angry

Mon, 28 Feb 2011 23:17:15 GMT

Is that... Ironic? I made a resolution today. But let's back up some... I worked a little overtime today, yeah, it's only Monday and I'm already doing overtime. But self imposed, I do admit. And short, just four hours. Seems like a good time to take advantage of such things with aspirations of summer travel and frolic. I like these short work spits. Four hours and I'm done. So the day started well. Then I went to the gym. And had a wonderful workout. and then the resolution... I would complete 30 consecutive days or training, sensibly but with no doubt determinedly. I was feeling at the top of the world. I ran a little late with my workout so I went out to the meter to put more coin in. Good citizen right? Well, seems I didn't see the sign that said no parking between 4-630. So, when I went to my car at 4:05 there was a pretty ticket for $100. Yes 1-0-0 dollars. Aren't I a lucky boy. I got into my car, cussed a whole lot, felt my blood pressure rise, then I went and had a salad. Why not right? And now I'm sitting at my favorite coffee shop slurping a latte and watching the shenanigans of a homeless lady who keeps trying to steal the magazine basket next to the coffee bar. She's quite hilarious.

Watching her, In an instant, my anger lifted. My life is not so bad. Hell, it's downright regal compared to that chick. I have a nifty smart phone to blog with and I will earn more money for four hours overtime than some people make in two days in this city, probably including the Barista who made my yummy drink with a smile. So anger really isn't an option. The parking ticket is my own fault. It could have been worse, the ticket also had the "tow" box checked. That would have been a whole lot more money.

So, introspection sometimes works. I feel much better. I worry too much.

And I'm still gonna kill it with that 30 days of gym time! Here I come 38 manly waist!

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Knock, knock...who's there

Mon, 28 Feb 2011 02:44:36 GMT

I'm not sure anyone reads this anymore...I mean, I'm guilty of not keeping up, but then again, It now only takes a few minutes to read now compared to the hours I could waste reading my friends here in the near past. I do miss doing this. Although the last time I did this, I composed this wonderful entry and got to the submit button and boom. Lost. Couldn't even recover it as a draft. I put some heart into that entry. In hind sight maybe it was best that it didn't go anywhere, it was kind of whiny anyway.

So I seem to do entries that are summaries of the last 3 or 6 months. I guess that's the way it is. So what's most immediate? Well, life seems to keep getting more expensive. Notice that? My paycheck doesn't seem to stretch as far as it once did. It doesn't help when your rent goes up by 150.00 a month. It doesn't help when your electric bills come in for winter usage and rapes your wallet. It doesn't help not having a roommate. And it doesn't help when you have expensive taste. But I do have a job- at least for another year. Then what, right. I still haven't answered that question for myself. Work has been rough lately. I try to keep it in perspective. Belts are tightening everywhere. Everyone wants everyone else to work more for less. It's not unusual for me to put in 10 hours of unpaid work each week lately. I keep telling myself that it will pay off in ways such as respect for my efforts, career building and things like that. But the question of "what else can I do here" keeps coming up. My time is quickly disappearing if I'm going to apply for a green card in this TN cycle which ends in March 2012. I still have a tough time with this. I'm having difficulty seeing myself having the life I have here back in Toronto. I'm enjoying living in the US in some ways. I just feel restrained here. But unable to get on with it.

Anyways, I do need to come up with a plan this month. I like living on the wire I guess. And it's hard leaving a job after 9 years, just cuz.

So, fun...I went to Fort Lauderdale this last weekend with my friend Smiffy. It was simply a winter get away and man was it needed. It was perfect weather, sunny, 80, cool at night. Good food, Lot's of pretty people and I got to visit Miami for the first time. South Beach is a beautiful place and I could have spent millions of dollars there. I can see why the rich and famous call it home. As it was, I almost spent $9000 on a painting. I came so close to closing a deal...I had sweaty palms and palpitations. I can see why high end spending can be so addictive. I mean I'm no Lindsay Lohan but OMG, it was a crazy moment for me. I almost bought a Romero Britto. I adore his work! And seems I can't be satisfied with just a poster print...no I needed to lay my eyes on a Swarovski crystallized piece. Anyways, I soothed my need for art ( a very unexpected need) with a purchase in Ft. Lauderdale of a piece of photography by a gentleman named Robert Duetsch. The photo is of David Bowie, 1986, back stage at the Grammy's. I adore David Bowie and it made sense to me to have a Bowie along with my Warhol print. maybe I'm developing my taste. I dunno. I just like what I like. Where to hang it is another question!! Anywho, I had fun in FLL. It was nice to go somewhere and just hang with locals. Smiffy played Flag football and I got to play with the locals on the sidelines. I didn't get lucky at all but there was this strange "club" of boys into which I seemed to be accepted. I won't get into that here because I'm still not sure what to make of it. Maybe one day. I'm definitely going back. The nude beach was crazy beautiful. Nuff said of that!

I need to get my ass into gear with training for Highland Games. I have my first games of the year booked in San Antonio for April 2. I'm super excited but super afraid that I won't be physically prepared strength wise. I mean, what I am achieve is what I achieve but I really did have high hopes for breaking some of my personal records. So we'll see how March goes workout wise. I need to obsess over workouts more than ever before. And I still have 20 lb to lose. That's gonna be tough.

Well, that's all I wanna post right now. I know, not very seep and meaningful but it's a start to returning to these posts. I plan to do more, but don't we all.

Phoenix rising and the Tucson sky.

Mon, 18 Oct 2010 01:45:54 GMT

I'm on my way back to DC after a lovely five days in Phoenix primarily for a nursing conference. It was an awesome time. The conference was as you can only hope these sorts if conferences would be - energizing. There really isn't anything quite like being in a building with 6000 nurses of like mind and soul. To back up a bit... The conference was the annual Magnet conference sponsored by the credentialing arm of the American Nurses Association (ANA), the ANCC. "Magnet Designation" is the highest honor a nursing facility ( hospital or otherwise) can achieve which recognizes excellence in nursing care and outcomes. The designation is called Magnet because a facility that achieves this honour is also a facility nurses want to work with because of this dedication to nursing excellence.

So, if you are going to be admitted to a hospital for any reason, you might definitely want to know if they've been Magnet Designated. Chances are you'll get above and beyond excellent nursing AND medical care.

Now back to Phoenix. Boy was it toasty hot! Whew! But it was definitely dry heat. It was pretty much above 95 degrees each day but it felt tolerable! The city seems pleasant enough though there wasn't too much time spent exploring it. Each day the conference was jammed packed with lectures and events. I made my way to Tucson to visit with Kevin (sonoranbear) and his fun and fuzzy partner Steve. Those guys are the sweetest. They had a welcome party of friends awaiting me when I arrived and we all went to a fun local Mexican restaurant which was way yummy and I ate way too much. But it was guuuuud! We hung out back at the house for a while and then I hit the wall. Saturday we had breakfast and eventually landed at the Desert Museum. OMG SNAKES! now this was a learning experience. I've never had the good fortune (gulp!) of seeing so many varieties of rattle snake before! A needed education for anyone considering relocating to the area. If yer gonna hike in the desert you better be able to identify these dangerous little slithery friends. We got to the museum, which is completely outdoors btw a little late in the afternoon so we didn't do too much of it but it was a nice taste of this beautiful place. And some of the artwork in the gift shop was beautiful. I shall return there for more adventure. Later we hung out at a fun BBQ joint and finished the evening with some tasty gelato before I drove ( felt more like flying with a speed limit of 75...weeee) back up I10 to Phoenix. I can't thank the guys enough for showing me around some and being great friends and hosts. I may indeed return for Fiesta in January if I can.

Back to the conference... So while it was nice to get away and nice to be in rooms with thousands of like minded nurses I did get a deeper satisfaction out of it all. I will admit, as much as I love doing what I do I've been feeling a little lost in my career of late. I've been doing what I do for 15 years now. Count school in there and it's been 19 years! So where am I? I have so many things I want to do. There are so many things others want me to do. I guess I'm at a crossroads. And I've felt for a while like I'm missing something. I couldn't put my finger on it until this last week. I've been missing the nursing part of what I am. I work in a very technical area. We do heart procedures. I don't see patients for twelve hours at a time. I see them for a few hours then they're someone else's. I kinda miss the human touch part of my profession. And that brings me back to this conference and the experiences there. I think nursing overall has been struggling with keeping the caring part in our daily work. Sure it's there but technology, hospital turn over needs, fractured healthcare systems, and burnout keeps getting nurses off track. We, I, feel a sense of burnout that makes me hold back sometimes. That makes me protective of my emotions and keeps a thin wall ever present that doesn't allow for full disclosure of how much I really do care for my patients. This conference let me see that some. Two powerful presentations caused a stir with me. I got to hear Dr. Deepak Chopra speak for the first time. And I got to hear a hero of mine speak for the first time - Dr. Jean Watson. If you ever want to have a higher understanding of caring you should read some of her work. Her Center for Caring in Denver has been world renowned for decades and she's a powerful speaker. I was a bit skeptical about listening to Chopra but he really is a phenomenal speaker and was a perfect choice for this conference. What both speakers, world renowned experts made me see is that the disconnect I feel between work and my practice as a nurse and everything going on around me is really a disconnect between me and my ability to just be there with an open heart and mind for anyone and everyone around me. Suddenly my petty insecurities and concerns seemed to fall down around my feet as i took in what they had to say because I was able to enjoy the energy of the people around me and just be there.
Positive energy soup! I recommend a cup of it every now and again!
It's a powerful lesson to learn. Somewhat ethereal I admit and maybe flighting once I get back to the daily grind. But I'm sure gonna try to keep this newly found centeredness around me for as long as I can.

So, whether it's a combination of vacation, this motivating conference, or the energy of hanging out with some of the sweetest people I could possibly hope to meet, I know my spirits are up. Dare I say without someone throwing eggs At me....wait for it...my Phoenix has risen (ducks! Haha! Missed).

And I'm ok with that!

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Sans San Diego :-(

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 21:12:46 GMT

"It's gonna be tough young man."
"Why's that pop?"
"Well, you're leaving behind a load of... well, let's just say, awesome people. And good times."
"Yeah pop, I sure am gonna miss it...all."

Sigh. I don't want to be all rewards show like, but there are so many people I have to thank for helping make my West Coast Sofa Tour one of the most amazing vacations ever.

Anthony P Gilkinson. My singing, dancing, Disney fun ride Seattle friend and pal. Where this travelganza started. Thanks for planting in my tiny brain the seed that was this trip. Seattle was indeed an awesome place to see and experience. I'll be back soon.

Shannon Grady. My muse and future husband :-). San Diego would not have been as fun without your warm smile and heart felt love. You can sing to me anytime. I look forward to sharing the glow around you when that "one song!" blows the lid of the charts. Hold on to those dreams baby. And no matter where you land in the next few months I know you'll land on your feet.

San Francisco, you loved me and I loved you back! You keep casting spells on me and the days I spent with you this time around will be remembered fondly.

Bo... You know I loves you. I hope you had fun. Once again, you were fun company and the catalyst you often are for introducing me to some beautiful men. I hope life continues to be full of adventure for you and Sean your sexy Fedex Man. Derrick, ummmm, Derrick. We'll definitely keep in touch! Most of what I'd like to day is x rated sooooo, we'll share that later.

Matty and Sean! I finally got to spend some quality time with you!! Yay! It was short but very sweet. LA is lucky to have such beautiful, bright, and sexy personalities. I'm less scared of the sprawling City of Angels because of you. And I'll be back.

Oh Brian Hill! I'm a little light headed when I think of you! No more napkins in my drink! But I'll take the hugs! Yup. I sure will!

Vacations are never long enough. But this one will go down in my memory books for ever. I feel relaxed, refreshed and ready to rock it back in DC!

But I'm going to miss you Left Coast. Miss you long time.

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San Francisco Day One

Fri, 24 Sep 2010 21:06:47 GMT

It's just where I left it! Yay! Slept well. Gym time at Castro Golds... Ever so intimidating. Beautiful beef everywhere! Had a good workout despite the distractions. Legs... Some vanity bicep stuff. Now sitting at Bagdad Cafe for a salad then back to hotel. Probably meet up with Bo. Mayyyyy do a little leather shopping. Dinner with Jeff Costello, then Bearacuda to dance with da bears.

I'd forgotten how sexually charged this city is. It's a playground for the eye and senses. And hormones!

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Day Six - Leaving the Emerald City

Thu, 23 Sep 2010 16:19:39 GMT

Thanks Seattle. It's been a slice. I got to see quite a bit and I have a blister on my achilles and one on my toe to prove it! Ha! Fey blisters! What better way to end my morning here as I repack for the next leg of my travels than to watch Frazier as I putter! Heehee. I can't thank Tony enough for housing me and to everyone else who kept me company. Good eats, good friends and a breathtaking place to enjoy it all. I dare to say now that Seattle rivals San Francisco for me in great places to visit. And the bus drivers are friendly!!! That's not the usual in many places I've visited. It's certainly not that way home in Toronto!!

I shall be back.

And maybe...just maybe that pesky little volcanic mountain will show her peaks to me....maybe.

Hello Seattle!!
And see you later....save a cup o joe for me.

Would you like a cup of coffee with that??

Wed, 22 Sep 2010 02:00:18 GMT

Hey ho Kermit de frog here reporting from sunny-cloudy-rainy-cool-warm beautiful Seattle. Day Three: Foodiepalooza! I had the awesome chance to hang out with David Beggs at Pike's Market today. That place is fun. It has wild and wonderful arts, fish, fish, fish and great eats. My camara battery died and I need to get a new one so I may go back tomorrow for a bit to take some photos, partake in some Market food and then head to the Space Needle for some dramatic views of the area.

The food today was brought to us by the letter S as in Stealhead Diner. David didn't dissappoint by finding this little gem with a view of the water and other Seattle landmarks like the original Sur La Table and a Cheese shoppe which we were sampling in the format of fried Cheese Curds as we looked down on the locale from which it cameth. I had salmon cooked perfectly and a beautiful lemon pound cake with crisp tart plum and creme. Awwwwe satisfaction! David has the Beet salad and the Rich Boy sandwich which looked delicioso!

We sat and chatted and I rambled too often about various topics. David gave me a little more of his history and hopes and ambitions as a relatively new chef. I love being on vacation and I'm loving Seattle. It'sdefintely a contender for cities I'd like to live in.

And I got a cool new wallet. It's made of recycled innertube rubber (heehee). And I bought a cute hat. It's gots bear ears. I will wear it loud and proud this winter. It'll be fun.

If a Child disappears in The Woods, is there a code yellow?

Sat, 11 Sep 2010 01:47:18 GMT

Rubs hands in Anticcccccccipation!

Seriously, I don't even notice them and if I accidentally push one or three into the bonfire no one would notice right?

Meeheehee!

Just arrived at the campground a little while ago. It's cool and crisp And feels just as I like it this time of year! Yay!

I get to do a little judging tomorrow. No, not Project Runway like judging. The Mac Daddy, Mr Mackenzie owner and proprietor of the MidAtlantic Scottish Athletics organization asked me to judge a competition this weekend in PA. The Montgomery Highland Games and Irish Festival ( I believe is it's official name) in Greenlane Park about 30 min from Philly. There PSA done.

Kinda nervous about doing that. I hate having to judge shit like that. But it's a favor for Mac and keeps me in his good graces.

In the meantime, maybe I'll karaoke! Yes, karaoke at the Woods.

Then maybe make a few kids disappear!

Muhuha...ha

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Ahhhh September and only days until Vacation!! Squeel!

Mon, 06 Sep 2010 19:15:23 GMT

Can I tell you how much I love Fall? No really, I do. It's funny how Autumn is all about new things to me. I don't think of Labour Day weekend as the end if Summer! Not me. I think of it as the beginning of things. The new school year with fresh faced college kids lugging furniture under the watchful eye of teary eyed parents. The beginning of cooler nights and refreshing breezes. The beginning of Off season training and renewed hopes of strength gained for next year. The purchase of fun hats and sweaters that can be worn in parks while hugging warm coffee. The eventual crisp leaves on the ground crunching like rice crispies when out for a walk.

I love Fall. So it's no surprise that I'm looking forward to seeing the Northwest on my vacation in a few weeks. Mind you I'm also looking forward to seeing Southern California too but I'd be lying if I were to say my favorite spot to visit was not probably going to be Seattle.

I have a lot of work ahead of me in the next few weeks. I gotta talk to all my friends and line up people to see and hang out with. I've got to polish up my resume too. There will be some job inquiry while I'm out that way and I've yet to buy a train ticket to Vancouver so I can see my Nation while I'm grazing it's border. It'll be hard to sleep for the next few weeks in anticccccipation!

For the time being I'm enjoying a spectacular day in the park, people watching... As I do. Hiding in treed shade cuz I got a little sun burnt yesterday at the Virginia Highland Games. Man was it hard holding myself back from asking if I could play. I love hanging with my Highland family and it seems from all the hugs and love yesterday, they missed me.

It's good to feel loved. :-)

Go ahead...I dare you! Ask me!

Wed, 25 Aug 2010 00:26:22 GMT

I"m fully aware, especially after my last post, that not many people know me very well. I mean, I'm sure aspects of my personality come through here but lets face it, you can't really know too much from any online media unless the person answering the questions is totally honest.

So, I've never tried this before, and so it's as much an exercise in self examination as it is a method to allow you all to know me a little better. Gee that sounded clinical...

Anyway,

I will answer any question to this post for one week. Now I also realize that to many LiveJournal is dead but I still like it.

So, go ahead, ask. I promise honest answers as painful, funny or disgusting as they be.

Perhaps you'll learn more about me than you think you know and I will learn more about myself.

Sunday and I cleaneth

Sun, 22 Aug 2010 22:56:32 GMT

It's been a very quiet weekend. No gentlemen callers. No casual encounters at the grocery store. Just house work. It's all good. I needed to dust and stuff to be ready for my good friend Steve's visit next weekend.

I thought of swallowing my fear of new places and things and putting on my best smiley face for an adventure to JR's for an afternoon drink. But fail. I did get out of the house. (present tense). I'm sitting in Dupont watching the pretty people stroll by. Well, they're not ALL pretty. But you get the idea.

No flash mob fun today. Poo.

I'm having a not feeling pretty moment. Can't pin down why. That's just the way it is with me occasionally. And it doesn't help that I have a few worrisome skin things that I'm seeing a dermatologist for in a week. Like I need another health issue.

And I'm having what almost feels like pre-grieving feelings about my plans to leave DC at the end of my current Visa. Apparently I have way too much idle time on my hands. I'm feeling insecure about moving away from what I know here and the friends I've made. Though on weekends like these when I'm feeling kinda lonely, I wonder about what friendships I really have. It would seem I'm not high on the priority list of people others think to call when they're planning things even if it's a simple brunch or afternoon lounging. It's funny how you're not supposed to whine about these things. "why don't you call up people" I hear often. Or "you just need to get out more, stay in the loop". Funny thing is, that still isn't quite enough is it. And then after you call up some people or email them or text them and you get brushed off or the response is "sorry sweetie, we have plans" or "sorry, we're not planning on anything, we've had a busy week already" then you just stop trying. I don't like wrestling myself into the social circles.

Sorry, I'm feeling sensitive for some reason. I have good friends who have open invitations to call them up anytime. I also realize I'm plying much too much burden on my friends or acquaintances to include someone who doesn't come across as the social type, apparently. Guess I don't drink enough. Or whatever it is people are attracted to.

Shit, I really didn't plan this entry to sound so, I don't know, self pitying.

So back to leaving DC. My motto has always been that I want to get out there and explore wherever and whatever fascinates me. I feel like I've done what I can do at my present job and to grow any further there I've got to change jobs internally. Not a problem, if you are an actual resident of the country. Which I am not. I have to keep reminding people of that at work. I'm limited in what roles I can take on and so in order to change that I would need a permanent resident status. Problem is, the hospital doesn't seem to care quite enough to make that happen. So, the logical thing to do is to head back to Canada and reevaluate my goals. I have to start thinking about retirement. So, I have many serious things to consider. Do I stay put and make US residency my goal so i can take on new jobs and make better plans to save for retirement ( hopefully before I'm 80 )or do I continue my nomadic existence and pull up and move again. I guess I need to discover where my paradise is supposed to be and focus on that.

Ok. I feel better.
I'm am powerful. I am strong.
My beauty shines for all to see.
I will thrive and I will be loved.
Tomorrow is a NEW AND WONDEROUS day!

Take that self pity!!

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Epsom Salts for the body (and soul)

Sun, 01 Aug 2010 01:48:08 GMT

Sounds like a book. I should search and see if it's a title, then if not, write it...the book that is, and the title. *dibs*

It's been a productive day and a very busy week. I worked all five days this week. So that's automatically a 50 hour week. Plus I worked late one day. A little overtime is never a bad thing. I am planning many tripy things in the near future and I have to pay for them somehow. But the week has left me, admittedly, tired and a little sore. See, I may have mentioned it before but whilst I work I'm required to wear Lead lined garments to protect my loveliness from radiation exposure. My lead jacket, which is a fashionable knee length. weighs about 12 pounds. Wearing a 12 pound suit every day takes it's toll unless you are an elite athlete, which I am not, or a marine, ditto. And sleeping in is no longer part of my life so up early be I and many tasks completed. Which is good. But does little to help with the tired part.

Anyways, I also restarted the gym thing this week. I've squished boobies, and squatted legies. So now I'm more sore than I've been in several months. Again, not a bad thing. Growth comes from tearing things apart. Tis true in all aspects of life it seems.

So after lounging in Dupont for a bit this afternoon, enjoying the near perfect weather I came home and drew a nice hot bath and threw in a couple of cups of Epsom salt. Mmmmmmmmmm. I feel so relaxed right now. I'm practically gooey. Well, maybe not but Mmmmmmm. And did you know you can drink that stuff?? If you need the plumbing cleared out? I did not, admittedly. Guess I never really read the label before.

And another thing. This wonder salt is supposed to be great at promoting healing of all kinds of things like incisions. And I own one of those! Yes I tried to return it but it stuck around like an ugly stepchild for a few months. So, there. Miracle stuff/food/witch doctor. Now if it could only make me dinner.

Speaking of dinner...Sweetgreen......Sweeeeeet! They make an awesome salad. And the beefy tattooed boy making the salad was a hit with my palate too. Unfortunately, I did not get to taste him...since yer gonna ask. But if he were on the menu, I'd be ordering.

So, wonderful day. Refreshing and stuff. For the body...and soul.

Now where's my winning lottery ticket....

Life's a beach...then you hide

Sun, 25 Jul 2010 18:21:06 GMT

The ever fashionable Smiffy and I made a day trip to Rehobeth yesterday. It was hoooooooot. I do mean temperature wise. But yes, there was some Hawtness! here and there too.

Up at the ungodly hour of 530am to go to the beach seems insane I know. It's times like that when I wish I lived just a little closer. Or I wish that no one else was planning on making the painful approach to the Chesapeake Bay Bridge to get to the beach bound side of Md/Delaware. Either would be an acceptable option. With entertaining company though, I've found even the longest drive to be very enjoyable.

It was hot. Did I mention that. No, when I mean hot I mean I have a blister on my right foot from the walk through the sand to our final set up point on Hanelope Beach. The sand was searing. I could hear my flesh boiling as I took each step. It was so hot that no one and I mean no one was willing to play around with a football or frisbee on the sand. We headed into the water to toss the ball around. That was much more fun anyway. And the water was refreshingly cool and at least did a fine job of bringing your skin temperature down enough to tolerate the walk back to the towel and brolly set up. I'm glad to report no sun burn despite all that. Thank goodness for beach brolly.

We brought our bikes too. Cycled back into the board walk from the Park then out to the outlets. One thing to note here...hydrate. Yes, I'm usually one who preaches this. And apparently not so good at following through myself. I had been drinking fluids while on the beach but not nearly enough for the temps. Smiffs and I got to the Nike outlet store and well. I wasn't feeling very good at all. I got nauseated and was having difficulty standing. I finally took a knee and sat down before I fell (which might not have fared well on my face if I hadn't). I got Smiffs to get me a few bottles of water and a sprite and 15 minutes later I was better. It was a close call though I do admit. So, lessons....yeah. First time out in severe heat after being laid up for months and therefore not acclimated to the heat...hydrate. Hydrate, HYDRATE!!

We had dinner with a few new acquaintances and then hit the road back to DC. Thoroughly pooped, a little salt water crusted and a tad chaffed but very satisfied with the outing.

So, It's the same temperature again today and I'm hiding inside. Mark and Seth invited me to join them at Brewer's Art in Baltimore at 5 for a friends birthday and to hang for a bit which I'm considering. But I did a lot of driving yesterday and I'm not looking forward to even the short drive to the Charmed City. So, I'll see. I may head to Silver Spring and See Despicable Me...in the coolness of the movie theater.

I want another day off work too. Just cuz.

And I bought new shooooz! Damned that Smiffs, he's such an enabler.

Posti postiness

Sun, 27 Jun 2010 16:43:20 GMT

I'm trying my best to keep this up. I may even upgrade my account again so I can add pics and shit. I guess I can do that from my flickr too but I need to work on getting that back up to speed as well.

Health update...

The incision is coming along nicely. It still requires packing but very little. The common opinion is that it may be closed in about two weeks. Then I anticipate being open for business in another week <ahem>. I mean, I should be able to get back into the pool...the dating pool and other pools as well. I'm pleased with the progress. The scar shouldn't be terrible. My sugars have been relatively under control. I've played a little with my carbs and tried eating a few things I probably should stay away from in order to see what effect doing so would have on my sugars. It seems that even one lousy piece of chocolate cake can send my sugars more out of control than I'd like. My numbers don't go crazy. In fact they stay below 150 even but I would like my sugars to stay closer to 100. So carb conscious I still need to be. All this carb consciousness continues to lead to lost weight. Which I'm not displeased about at all. In a week or so I plan to return to heavier aerobic activities which will probably peel off a few more pounds.

Bigger message....I feel great. I'm feeling a little sassy looking in the mirror and I've rewarded myself with some new stuff both for the apartment and for me. Not going crazy off course, there are still some hefty medical bills to come my way.

I return to work this week resuming full duties. Thank the gawds, I was getting just a little bored being barred to my office. Enough of that. That said, now I have to be super vigilant about infection control procedures...even more than I ever have been in the past. While this incision is still technically an open incision, there is always risk of new infections especially staph. So a very deliberate nursey nurse I will forever be. Again, not that I haven't been it's just once you've acquired a work related infection (for the time being that's the belief) you never enter the building feeling the same about this type of work.

The apartment is coming along. I still need/want so may little things to make it feel like its complete but it'll have to be a little at a time. Oddly enough I actually have a few things to get rif off. The old computer, a book case I don't want or like, and a box full of other stuff that's probably all going to end up at Goodwill. I needed to buy a new bed frame cuz the old one decided to snap in the middle and so Ikea was nice enough to supply that yesterday. I may have to buy a new mattress. The memory foam on top of the old Ikea sofa bed matress is not as comfortable as it was a few months back. That may have to wait a few months. Good mattresses are expensive!

So,all is well. It still hurts that I can't go to P-Town (yes, my choice) but Chicago is exciting me more and more every day. It's gonna be a blast!!!

Off to shop for veggies.....

22 Days Later

Sun, 30 May 2010 16:10:20 GMT

Yup it's been 22 days since my surgery. And I'm more or less still cooped up at home. Oh, I've been out every now and again. A movie here and there. A stroll to Dupont Circle. But life is anything but normal. I'm sitting here typing this while my IV antibiotics infuse waiting for my wound care nurse to come visit. My incision has finally started to progress I'm happy to report. No signs of infection and it's beginning to get smaller. yay!! It may still be 2 or 3 weeks before it's fully closed which is still a difficult pill to swallow considering I really wanna get out and play with all the other kids. I'm limited in that capacity at present if only to make an effort to keep my incision from getting infected and starting this all over.

That said, I canceled my plans to go to Province Town in July. Sigh. I was really looking forward to that summer trip with nervous (read: sexual) anticipation in so many ways. It was going to be my Spring Awakening. My opportunity to break out onto the social scene as a single dude and have fun. Hell even be as slutty as I could allow myself to be. But don't get the wrong idea. My idea of being slutty compared to some is equivalent to a Nun deciding to take her habit off on a hot summer day. Crazy I am not. But I was sure hoping to let my hair down. The good thing is that there are always other opportunities to have as much fun at least I hope. Cuz I do hate missed opportunities. I've had plenty of them in my life so far. Problem is, I'm not getting any younger. These opportunities will start popping up less and less. So, yeah, I'm feeling a certain sense of urgency to capture as much as I can. I'm the typical 42 year old I suspect. Anyway my decision to cancel P-Town has little to do with worrying about my healing incision. Hopefully, unless something goes terribly wrong, I should be all healed up by mid July. No, I'm canceling because after being off work for a whole month and then returning to work on light duty, meaning I'll not be doing direct patient care, I thought it would be in bad taste to ask my colleagues to cover for me for a week of vacation so soon after coming back to work. And that's how I roll. I value my work and my colleagues have been picking up the slack for a hell of a lot of work I normally do.

So no P-Town.

But I do have a trip to Chicago planned for August to check out Lollapalooza and to celebrate my birthday (and a few other birthdays...you know who you are Owen Murphy). I may tack on an extra day or two just to hang out with the boys and enjoy the Chi-town life. I may actually look at flights this week even. And then this fall, end of September maybe, I may take a 10 day road trip down the East coast. Off course this all depends on what my medical bills end up looking like. So far, I don't think they're going to be as bad as I originally thought but I really don't know cuz I literally haven't seen a bill yet. But Fall is usually a good time for me to take time off work since my colleagues' kids are in school and they normally do not take vacation. So there is light at the end of the tunnel. Seattle, Portland, LA and San Diego here I come.

Well time to go my nurse is here to do my dressing change and then I must figure out what I'm going to wear to Marky-Mark's Big Barbie House Birthday Bash. Despite my inability to enjoy a pool, I shall go to enjoy the company and to take a few pictures. My camera skills are on the wane.

Flesh munchng disease and life course...

Fri, 14 May 2010 19:39:36 GMT

I'm feeling energetic enough today to recount the events of the last week. Partly to make sense of them and partly to let my friends out there know what's been going on. I've cross posted bits and pieces on Facebook but as is the case many others have reported, facebook is really limited on what you can do. Journalling is the way to go.

So, it all started two fridays ago. I left work Thursday and was feeling like poo. I couldn't tell if I had a cold, a bronchitis or if I was just tired and in need of a mental break from work. What I did have was a productive cough. So I upped my advir and ventolin dosing to ward off a full blown pneumonia or at least minimise the effects of this cold. Saturday I felt like crap and rode out the storm. I was probably febrile but I didn't have a thermometer to check and I was feeling too icky to go out to get one. So I slept alot, tried to drink plenty of water and as I said, just rode it out. Sunday I felt a little better. Better enough to venture to the gym in my building and have a little workout- boost my spirits. By Monday I was feeling pretty much normal and it was a regularly scheduled day off so I could take advantage of my recuperative powers so I made plans to go to work on Tuesday.

I didn't feel great Tuesday but I kicked myself out of bed and off I went. I saw my first patient, did the first case and went to my office to wait for the next patient to show up. I was feeling more icky and considered going home. Suddenly, I got a case of intense chills and shaking and I was buring up. And I mean SUDDENLY. I took my temperature, it was 38.4. That's high enough to declare that you are definitely sick. My good friend and colleage Dr. Deutsch said "dude, you should go home. You look like shit" I agreed. I finished up an email I was writing and grabbed my bag and headed out the door. In retrospect, I should not have driven home. I don't actually remember getting home. I know I had the heat in the car cranked to 90 and I couldn't get warm at all. So directly to bed I went. I had a couple of doses of tylenol in the house so I took some and the fever seemed to break a few hours later, I got up Wednesday and at first felt OK. I went to the kitchen, got something to drink and headed to the couch to watch the news. Within minutes, I was chattering and shivering and sweating profusely again. I called my doctors office and made an appointment for Thursday thinking I had pneumonia. But I wasn't certain, in fact, I was a little weirded out because my chest was mostly clear. I had no burning sensations like I do when I have severe bronchitis. So admittedly, I was worried. But I decided I would ride it out and keep myself at home so as to not spread any bugs. My fever was relentless all day. I dragged myself to the pharmacy and picked up some ginger ale and more tylenol and a thermometer. My fever never fell below 101 all day.

Later in the day and I don't remember when exactly, I went to the bathroom. When I was cleaning up I noticed a small marble sized lump on my left buttock close to my scrotum. My first thought was "great, now on top of feeling like crap, I've got an abscess." I tried to see if it was fluid filled and if it might break and I could clean it up. It didn't break. It just felt like a hardened area of tissue. So I figured I would take care of it at the doctor appointment in the morning. As the night went on the area became sore and seemed to get larger going from marble sized to fist sized in a matter of hours. Now I thought..."great, not I have cellulitis". Again, no drainage or anything.

So even though I felt like crap, feverish and had this now larger area of cellulitis on my left buttock extending to my scrotum, I still drove myself to my appointment. My doctor was out of the office for the week so I saw a PA. She was nice, thorough and focused on my chest status.  We determined that I probably just has a viral infection and I should just follow my asthma protocol and double up my meds. Then I told her the story about what was happening on my flank. I have to admit, even though I'm a health professional, the idea of showing my butt to another person, especially a woman was not my greatest moment. Anyway, I showed her and she immediately agreed that I had some nasty cellulitis going on. She said we should start antibiotics. I agreed. She went away to consult a physician, came back and gave me a script for biaxin, a relatively strong antibiotic used to treat suspected MRSA infections. I felt like she made the correct decisions. She wanted me to return to the office in two days to reevaluate. She was not able to speak to a physician to consult about my case because they were all too busy. So off I went.

So, home I went to start my antibiotics and hope I would feel better. After a round of ABX on Thursday and more tylenol, I felt, well stable at least. Though I couldn't eat a thing. Friday continued to be a roller coaster of feeling pretty bad but I knew I would see the doctor again on Saturday so decided to ride it out. That said, there was one time I was feeling so bad I almost called Bill to see if he would take me to an ER. But like everyone else, I dreaded the idea of sitting for hours in an ER so I opted to wait until Saturday morning.

Saturday morning I felt no better. I was fluxing between severe chills and pouring sweat. But I made it, driving myself to my doctors appointment. I was seen pretty quickly by a Dr. Fender. He came into the exam room and said "you look like crap, how long has this been going on." I gave him the Coles notes version and he quickly pieced together what he needed to do. I'll throw in that at this point the area on my buttock was extending further back, and further towards my scrotum, in fact my scrotum was now swollen to the size of a grapefruit. Sorry to be graphic. So he looked at things. His reaction was quick. He said " I need to get you to an ER and sooner than later" He asked me where I thought I would prefer to go and then changed his mind and pointed out that closer would be better and that he had hospitalist privileges at the Virginia Hospital Center, which was literally only blocks away. He called ahead and told me they would be expecting me. At that point I probably should have called Bill to come get me but instead I got in my car and started to drive myself there. I did finally call Bill once in my car and let him know I was in trouble and I needed him to come to the ER. I was admittedly scared. Things were beginning to feel very wrong.

From there things moved very rapidly. I was admitted into the ER quickly and a battallion of doctors started to come and see me. One after another furrowed their brow and muttered that this didn't look good. Within a half hour I was in CT. CT confirmed what the docs thought they saw. The hardened areas were filled with gas not fluid. The gas is a byproduct of the necrotic process that was happening. The diagnosis: Necrotizing Fasciitis. I didn't even hear the end of the first word when I knew how much trouble I was in. The Infectious Disease doctor broke that news to me and also let me know that they were prepping an OR to get me in as soon as possible.   A hour later I was being rolled to the OR.

I woke up in the PACU with the surgeon talking to me, least as far as I can remember. He said things were successful. They think they got it all. I didn't lose any of my man parts.They just carved out a large slice of my left buttock from the base of my scrotum leftwards along my butt. They sent me to the surgical nursing unit and started me on more antibiotics.

One after another, the doctors came to visit and tell me how lucky I was to be alive. The death rate from this particular bacterial invasion is really high and that's for those who have the problem for less than 24 hours. I had my infection for as long as 72 hours. They accredited my being alive to the fact that I caught it early and that I was started on biaxin. The biaxin probably slowed it down. Without it, I wouldn't be typing right now. So I guess I'm a luck dawg. Although I don't think it's fully set in how lucky I am and that's partly why I'm doing this blog. To make this experience real.

Anyway, they sent me home on Wednesday with a PICC line in and a plan for at least two more weeks of IV ABX, probably more. The ABX I can handle myself, I am a nurse afterall. Doing an IV infusion once a day is no biggie. Packing and doing this dressing change would take a very interesting act of Yoga so for now I have nursing care to change my dressing once a day. I persuaded everyone that I really didn't need reels of tape in the area. Hair removal was the worst part of the dressing changes for the first few days. So I get to wear mesh panties and lots of padding. Nice. Better than tape being riped off my butt once or twice a day. I'm very fortunate to have what I guess is good insurance. I'm still a little scared to see what my portion of these bills will look like. But I guess, like all Americans, I'll just have to worry about that once this ordeal is all over.

So in addition to surgery and life threatening munching disease this experience has apparently thrown me over the diabetic ledge. My sugars were out of control while in the hospital. Now it's not unusual for a person to have uncontrolled sugars when going through massive infection so I wasn't freaked out by this but it is a worry. So they sent me home on insulin and I have to keep my sugars strictly under control as I heal from this stuff. Yeah for glucometers and insulin and having to follow a strict diabetic diet protocol. I'll be getting skinny one way or the other it seems. On a serious note, the docs all pointed out that the setting of diabetes is the most common setting for this infection to take hold. I guess that's one more thing you can add to reasons not to allow yourself to become a diabetic - flesh munching disease for some reason is scarier to me than even blindness or losing a toe. Which I do not advocate for as an alternative. So, I'm not going to soapbox or preach...but to all my biggie friends out there who's doctors have said "your pre-diabetic (like me), you need to lose the weight..." take it seriously.  Necrotizing fasciitis is not going to get everyone (it's really rare, I'm told) It's a pretty scary prospect as a potential. I mean...I almost lost my life.

So, I get to hang out at home for a week or so...at least until this incision closes. That gives me time to be very creative with designing a new diet program. I'll admit at this moment I'm not feeling too motivated. I can count carbs. The goal on a diabetic diet is to keep the number of carbs you eat throughout a day consistent so as to not spike your blood sugar and therefore need more insulin. I just need to get more creative with meal planning. I don't view it as a chore but as a challenge. The hardest part is keeping a diet plan to about 2000 calories so I can start losing weight. But I can do it. And as long as I have this time on my hands I might as well be productive with it.

So there it is.

Charles 2.1 has emerged. (I called myself Charles 2.0 after Bill and I broke up) This Leo has used another life. I don't know how many I have left and I sure don't want to know. I just need to make this one the best it can be.

Charles 1 - Grim Reaper 0
for now.

Posty postiness

Sat, 01 May 2010 01:57:24 GMT

What's there to write. Hmmm. I've been sick for the last two days. It actually started Thursday and I tried to do my best to fight it. It won. I got home from work yesterday and literally fell into bed....at 6pm. I woke at about 5 am and finally got undresssed, called in sick and went back to sleep. I woke up again at 1030, got up watched tv for a bit and tried to eat a little. Wasn't feeling it. Took a shower and that made me feel a little better but by 1130 I was falling asleep again. So I napped until 3pm. Now here I sit ready to sleep again. I hope this cold/allergies/whatever gets done by tomorrow so as not ruin my weekend.

So no insights there!
I'm looking forward to working out tomorrow if I feel better. I still haven't established a workout regime since moving. And it's funny how time moves so quickly. Tomorrow will start the third month that I've technically possessed this apartment. So, I need to take more advantage of the little mini-gym in my complex. I need to start changing my diet to get more protein so I can feed these sluggish musckles.

I need lists to accomplish.

I need silverware...

That is all.